Remember the old McDonald's jingle "I'm loving it?" That is how I feel about being on stage performing. I am currently in rehearsals for a production of Carmen with a local opera company, Finger Lakes Opera. I am not singing a lead, or even a comprimario role; I am in the ensemble. While that may not sound compelling, the amazing thing about it for me is how I feel during and after rehearsals, even when talking to people about how rehearsals are going. I am so full of energy, life, and excitement, that I can barely contain myself. This is how I know what I am supposed to be doing with my life.
We are reading and discussing The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything by Rev. James Martin, S.J. in a young adult group that I facilitate at my church. This is my second time through the book and the primary thing that has struck me both times through is that God plants your deepest desires in your heart and they are God's way of showing you what you should be doing in life. There has rarely been much question about the desires on my heart, but it seems to have magnified in intensity over the last couple of years. I now not only desire to be performing, but I long for it. When I am not in production I often feel like something is missing in my life.
Part of this new excitement when performing comes from my experience last year. Since my time with the New York Opera Studio I have continually become more comfortable in my body on stage. This ability to open up on stage has allowed me to really explore things and let me fall into the characters I am portraying, even in an ensemble situation. While rehearsing for Carmen, I am also preparing for my debut as Ferrando in Detroit next month in Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutte. These months of being able to immerse myself in the world of opera have shown me how I need my life to be if I am to be truly content with my occupation. My goal for the coming "year" is to find more ways to envelop myself in this world and make this desire a reality.
Showing posts with label Catholic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Catholic. Show all posts
Monday, July 21, 2014
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
The Waiting
The waiting is the hardest part. I have done all of my auditions for the year (although I am trying to do one more in May), and now there is nothing left to do but wait for the last of them to get back to me. It has been another year of progress, but another year of frustration as well. It feels as though I have gone nowhere. The next step has not yet been made. In some respects I don't know if I know what the next step truly is. I continue to work on my technique, characterization, languages, etc., but I am still not making that next level. I read something today that sparked a thought in me. It was a Lenten reflection from Fr. Robert Barron and he said this:
"I suppose we human beings have always been in a hurry, but modern people especially seem to want what they want, when they want it. We are driven, determined, goal-oriented, fast-moving. I, for one, can't stand waiting.
But is it possible that we are made to wait because the track we are on is not the one God wants for us? Maybe we're forced to wait because God wants us to seriously reconsider the course we've charted, to stop hurtling down a dangerous road."
This struck me hard today.
I have been on this course for about a decade now, and am content to continue on this path if it is what I am truly called to do. The waiting, though, is unbearable.
I don't often talk about my faith on this blog, but in the last few years, months, and especially weeks, I have become more and more deeply ingrained in my faith. I pray for my vocation as a singer daily, and I see affirmations of it often. There are other times, like currently, where I feel as though I am in a void. It is interesting that this Lent, my prayer life has been flashing bright neon signs at me that say "DETACHMENT;" perhaps this is what I need to do in order for my true vocation in singing to shine forth. Detach myself from the desire. Detach myself from the pride associated with pursuing this career. Detach myself from the thinking that I am solely responsible for my success in this field.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
It's working!
Let's start with the more interesting and important information. This summer I am participating in two programs. One is in Loch Sheldrake, NY singing in Mozart's Le Nozze di Figaro and the other is in Buffalo, NY singing scenes from Rossini's Il Barbiere di Siviglia. Both of these programs are a blessing to me. After an overall disappointing audition season, these were my last two chances to obtain gigs for the summer. The program in Buffalo, which is called Cadenza Workshop, was discovered almost by accident through a show I was doing with Rochester Lyric Opera. The other program, Opera Advantage, is run by Nico and Carol Castel, whom I have worked with before when I was in Spoleto, Italy. There are points both interesting, amusing, and a little scary with all of this happening so quickly and unexpectedly. First, both of these operas that I am going to be working on are based on plays by Beaumarchais, although I am performing them out of order. Barbiere should be before Le Nozze, but I suppose I get to see the characters as "mature" people prior to their youth. The scary thing about these is that I have about a month to learn and memorize both of them. Additionally, I need to raise some money to cover expenses for these programs. I am currently trying to plan a benefit recital to accomplish this goal and will provide more information as it comes along.
Along the same line as the preceding paragraph, I had my best audition to date yesterday. I auditioned for Syracuse Opera yesterday and changed my daily routine for audition days quite a bit. The results were much better than I anticipated. I used to find myself with little to do, so I would arrive quite early (1-2 hours to be exact) and wait around for my time to come. Yesterday, I instead chose to hang out at my cousin's house until about 2 hours before my audition. I then took the 40 minute subway to my audition place, grabbed a quick lunch at Subway (probably wasn't good practice to have the onions, but I love them so...), used the practice room I reserved (brilliant idea!) to warm up, and walked next door to my audition where I only had to wait for about 20 minutes. My audition began as they all do, the awkward entrance and introduction of the first piece, which was Alfredo's aria from La Traviata. After I sang this fairly well the two auditors conversed a little and actually asked me to sing a second piece! This may not seem like a big deal, but I haven't been asked for a second piece since I switched to tenor, so this was quite momentous to me. They asked for Sam's aria from Susannah and I sang that pretty well also. Some major things that I noticed in this audition apart from the second selection being requested were this: My voice and technique have finally become strong enough and stable enough that I no longer crack or shank high notes, despite nerves. I still have an involuntary finger or leg twitch that accompanies high notes, but the notes themselves are secure. Also, I am able to do more of what I want through intent from both a technical and musical perspective, and I feel I am beginning to make music instead of simply singing words and pitches. My physicality may still be lacking, but I like to think that I am making up for this with how I am treating the text. I don't prescribe to the gesture for every line business anyways. I'm more of a fan of the one or two meaningful gestures during the course of a piece idea. Overall, regardless of the results, this was a successful audition.
Spanish... There is something about this language that I just do not have the motivation to learn it consistently. My LingQ account has lapsed again due to nonpayment, but that doesn't really hurt my feelings, especially with all I have to learn in the next month. On the plus side, during my drive to NYC Sunday and the drive home last night, I listened to Spanish radio as long as I could pick up the station and I managed to find a singer whom I like, Hector Acosta "El Torito." I am currently listening to an album of his on Spotify, actually. I also still listen to Catholic radio on my phone at work in Spanish and speak what I can with my friends who speak. So I am still improving, it is just a very slow pace. Many people want me to perfect my Spanish because of the practicality of it in today's world in the U.S. Perhaps that is why I don't really care that much about learning it. In terms of my own career, there is very little music that I sing that requires Spanish. I'd rather spend my time beefing up my Italian, German, or French. I would rather learn Russian and I will be come 2014. Hopefully come August I will be able to get back into LingQ for Spanish and make a push to get myself to a somewhat respectable level of Spanish before the year is out. I learned French in 8 months; given my current level of Spanish, I should be able to get to a similar level in 4 months.
Along the same line as the preceding paragraph, I had my best audition to date yesterday. I auditioned for Syracuse Opera yesterday and changed my daily routine for audition days quite a bit. The results were much better than I anticipated. I used to find myself with little to do, so I would arrive quite early (1-2 hours to be exact) and wait around for my time to come. Yesterday, I instead chose to hang out at my cousin's house until about 2 hours before my audition. I then took the 40 minute subway to my audition place, grabbed a quick lunch at Subway (probably wasn't good practice to have the onions, but I love them so...), used the practice room I reserved (brilliant idea!) to warm up, and walked next door to my audition where I only had to wait for about 20 minutes. My audition began as they all do, the awkward entrance and introduction of the first piece, which was Alfredo's aria from La Traviata. After I sang this fairly well the two auditors conversed a little and actually asked me to sing a second piece! This may not seem like a big deal, but I haven't been asked for a second piece since I switched to tenor, so this was quite momentous to me. They asked for Sam's aria from Susannah and I sang that pretty well also. Some major things that I noticed in this audition apart from the second selection being requested were this: My voice and technique have finally become strong enough and stable enough that I no longer crack or shank high notes, despite nerves. I still have an involuntary finger or leg twitch that accompanies high notes, but the notes themselves are secure. Also, I am able to do more of what I want through intent from both a technical and musical perspective, and I feel I am beginning to make music instead of simply singing words and pitches. My physicality may still be lacking, but I like to think that I am making up for this with how I am treating the text. I don't prescribe to the gesture for every line business anyways. I'm more of a fan of the one or two meaningful gestures during the course of a piece idea. Overall, regardless of the results, this was a successful audition.
Spanish... There is something about this language that I just do not have the motivation to learn it consistently. My LingQ account has lapsed again due to nonpayment, but that doesn't really hurt my feelings, especially with all I have to learn in the next month. On the plus side, during my drive to NYC Sunday and the drive home last night, I listened to Spanish radio as long as I could pick up the station and I managed to find a singer whom I like, Hector Acosta "El Torito." I am currently listening to an album of his on Spotify, actually. I also still listen to Catholic radio on my phone at work in Spanish and speak what I can with my friends who speak. So I am still improving, it is just a very slow pace. Many people want me to perfect my Spanish because of the practicality of it in today's world in the U.S. Perhaps that is why I don't really care that much about learning it. In terms of my own career, there is very little music that I sing that requires Spanish. I'd rather spend my time beefing up my Italian, German, or French. I would rather learn Russian and I will be come 2014. Hopefully come August I will be able to get back into LingQ for Spanish and make a push to get myself to a somewhat respectable level of Spanish before the year is out. I learned French in 8 months; given my current level of Spanish, I should be able to get to a similar level in 4 months.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Forward motion
It has been a while since I last wrote a blog post. I have not been necessarily too busy to write, but I have had other things going on that took importance over writing last month. Additionally, on the language study side of the blog I ran into a rather large roadblock that took most of the last two months away from me. More on that later, because I want to begin with the more exciting things that have been going on vocally in my life.
It always amuses me when things from two different areas of life come together. This has been the case over the last few years of me re-training my voice. I wen to a Christian college and a common expression on campus was "God's will, God's time." I've always liked the phrase as it give some perspective to the fact that our plans for our life are ultimately not our own, but God's. This has taught me much about patience in the last decade or so since I came back to my Christian faith. Anyway, early on when I began to study with JRL he said to me that when my coordination was there, the high notes would come "very fast." In my pride, I had assumed that since I had already been studying singing for ten years, this "very fast" meant only a couple of years at most. As the two year marked went by, I became slightly discouraged, but remembered my college days and gave up my own timeline for that of God's. Now, as I near in on almost four years of study with Ron, I have finally had the experience he was talking about. In the last two months I have gone from struggling with notes just above the staff to singing comfortably (in a practice room) up to at least E-flat above high C on a daily basis, even when sick!
The key to vocal development, which so many of my peers seem to miss out on, is that it takes time and patience. I have family members and friends who consistently inform me that I need to start a career in case this singing thing doesn't work out. I've never given this any real thought or merit because I have known for a long time now that I am a singer and my career will be in singing. I am not in a rush to make this career happen, because I know it will happen when I am ready for it to happen. I have already seen this beginning this year. A couple of weeks ago I made my professional debut with a local company, and I am of the belief that work leads to more work. In addition, I have two auditions coming up in a few weeks which I am very optimistic about because of this new found security I have in my voice. If nothing else, I am sure that I will be able to at least learn and sing through one or two roles this summer with the Kashu-do studio. I am moving forward and already beginning to look forward to next season's auditions.
Now, the language side of things. It occurs to me that Spanish is a large stumbling block for me. It's not that the language is terribly difficult or anything like that. It is just a demoralizing language for me because of my time spent with it in high school. I did not have the money available at the beginning of this year to go buy the materials I usually use for language learning. So, due to this and the fact that I have a pretty solid foundation in Spanish, I have decided to only use LingQ for my Spanish learning. It has been a very slow process, but I am beginning now to really focus more. I picked up French in about eight months and I am hoping to be able to do something similar with Spanish. I would like to get my known words level in Spanish higher than in French, as this was not something I accomplished with German. We shall see what happens.
It always amuses me when things from two different areas of life come together. This has been the case over the last few years of me re-training my voice. I wen to a Christian college and a common expression on campus was "God's will, God's time." I've always liked the phrase as it give some perspective to the fact that our plans for our life are ultimately not our own, but God's. This has taught me much about patience in the last decade or so since I came back to my Christian faith. Anyway, early on when I began to study with JRL he said to me that when my coordination was there, the high notes would come "very fast." In my pride, I had assumed that since I had already been studying singing for ten years, this "very fast" meant only a couple of years at most. As the two year marked went by, I became slightly discouraged, but remembered my college days and gave up my own timeline for that of God's. Now, as I near in on almost four years of study with Ron, I have finally had the experience he was talking about. In the last two months I have gone from struggling with notes just above the staff to singing comfortably (in a practice room) up to at least E-flat above high C on a daily basis, even when sick!
The key to vocal development, which so many of my peers seem to miss out on, is that it takes time and patience. I have family members and friends who consistently inform me that I need to start a career in case this singing thing doesn't work out. I've never given this any real thought or merit because I have known for a long time now that I am a singer and my career will be in singing. I am not in a rush to make this career happen, because I know it will happen when I am ready for it to happen. I have already seen this beginning this year. A couple of weeks ago I made my professional debut with a local company, and I am of the belief that work leads to more work. In addition, I have two auditions coming up in a few weeks which I am very optimistic about because of this new found security I have in my voice. If nothing else, I am sure that I will be able to at least learn and sing through one or two roles this summer with the Kashu-do studio. I am moving forward and already beginning to look forward to next season's auditions.
Now, the language side of things. It occurs to me that Spanish is a large stumbling block for me. It's not that the language is terribly difficult or anything like that. It is just a demoralizing language for me because of my time spent with it in high school. I did not have the money available at the beginning of this year to go buy the materials I usually use for language learning. So, due to this and the fact that I have a pretty solid foundation in Spanish, I have decided to only use LingQ for my Spanish learning. It has been a very slow process, but I am beginning now to really focus more. I picked up French in about eight months and I am hoping to be able to do something similar with Spanish. I would like to get my known words level in Spanish higher than in French, as this was not something I accomplished with German. We shall see what happens.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Faith: The Most Necessary Virtue!
I have made some good progress this month, both with my German and with my singing. In German I am at approximately 1750 words known on LingQ and I have noticed that I am beginning to be able to follow some of the dialogue on the radio station I listen to, Radio Horeb. There is still a lot that I miss, however I am still encouraged by the process that I am making. I have about twenty days left with my Michel Thomas program and then I will be coming back to Assimil to finish that. This being said, it is apparent to me that I am going to be hitting a few milestones in the next month. My plans for the next two weeks is to start using my German more in certain areas of my life. Primarily, I am going to start praying my Rosary in German at least three days a week. I find that this has been very helpful for me in the past, as I can grow from the Rosary into personal prayers and really force the activation of a lot of the vocabulary I know. I am one-third of the way through my German year and find myself at a very good place.
Vocally things have been a roller coaster ride of sorts. A few weeks back I had a minor vocal crisis where I began to show the signs of a hole in my passaggio. Luckily, after a brief correspondence with JRL, I have patched up that problem and moved on to considerably more exciting things. Specifically, this week I have consistently sang my exercises up to a high C (and occasionally a C#), and today I was able to sing the C with vibrato. To my mind, this means that I am starting to coordinate the note well enough that it is beginning to release. I routinely practice at my former college, Roberts Wesleyan, which happens to be where both of my future sisters-in-law go to school currently. I was informed by one of the sisters that I have a bit of a fan base among her fellow classmates. One even went so far as to figure out the note that I "always crack on," which was a Bb4 for those who are interested. While this is amusing, it also gave me great motivation to get past that Bb4, which I can say I have done now. Instead I crack on the B4 or C5 now!
I am quite humbled by having a "fanclub" at my former school. It is quite a different scene than when I was going to school here from 2003-2007. At that time, the majority of the department was confused as to why I was a performance major. Now the current student population thinks that I am an advanced singer. This goes to a larger point that I was discussing with my language partner, Ernest, yesterday. I have known from the time I became a voice major that I was going to be a singer, and a successful one at that. Despite the dissensions from everyone from classmates to family to professionals, I am nearing the point of my process where I am going to begin my career. If you have faith in your own path you will always achieve your goals. The process may take you through deserts and mountains, however you will always come out on the other side if you maintain your faith. As a Christian, I have put my life's path into God's hands and am confident that, while it may not happen in the timeline of my choosing, everything I have asked of God for my life will occur as it is supposed to. Regardless of whether you are Christian or not, faith is one of the most important character traits we possess. Believe and know that your aspirations will always happen as long as you continue to persevere faithfully.
Vocally things have been a roller coaster ride of sorts. A few weeks back I had a minor vocal crisis where I began to show the signs of a hole in my passaggio. Luckily, after a brief correspondence with JRL, I have patched up that problem and moved on to considerably more exciting things. Specifically, this week I have consistently sang my exercises up to a high C (and occasionally a C#), and today I was able to sing the C with vibrato. To my mind, this means that I am starting to coordinate the note well enough that it is beginning to release. I routinely practice at my former college, Roberts Wesleyan, which happens to be where both of my future sisters-in-law go to school currently. I was informed by one of the sisters that I have a bit of a fan base among her fellow classmates. One even went so far as to figure out the note that I "always crack on," which was a Bb4 for those who are interested. While this is amusing, it also gave me great motivation to get past that Bb4, which I can say I have done now. Instead I crack on the B4 or C5 now!
I am quite humbled by having a "fanclub" at my former school. It is quite a different scene than when I was going to school here from 2003-2007. At that time, the majority of the department was confused as to why I was a performance major. Now the current student population thinks that I am an advanced singer. This goes to a larger point that I was discussing with my language partner, Ernest, yesterday. I have known from the time I became a voice major that I was going to be a singer, and a successful one at that. Despite the dissensions from everyone from classmates to family to professionals, I am nearing the point of my process where I am going to begin my career. If you have faith in your own path you will always achieve your goals. The process may take you through deserts and mountains, however you will always come out on the other side if you maintain your faith. As a Christian, I have put my life's path into God's hands and am confident that, while it may not happen in the timeline of my choosing, everything I have asked of God for my life will occur as it is supposed to. Regardless of whether you are Christian or not, faith is one of the most important character traits we possess. Believe and know that your aspirations will always happen as long as you continue to persevere faithfully.
Monday, August 29, 2011
End of the Month Update
I am now more than 75% through my Assimil program and nearly as far through Michel Thomas. I somewhat feel like I've stagnated a little bit as far as progress goes; mainly due to my slacking about the last couple of weeks in studying. The bright side is that the Active Wave exercise today went very well and the majority of items just flowed out of me, which is a good sign.
On a note of wanderlust, I purchased Wheelock's Latin over the weekend and am going to read through it on the weekends when I take time off of French/German (after the new year). I don't necessarily know what I'm hoping to gain from learning Latin, other than that I will inevitably have to sing in Latin so understanding the structure and language will be helpful in that regard. Plus being Catholic, Latin kind of comes with the territory.
Vocally things are going very well. I am feeling more and more comfortable every day. I am going to be actually singing my first concert as a tenor in November at my church as part of an "Opera Hits" concert. I will likely only be singing one aria and a duet, but this will mark my first public performance as a tenor! As of right now my plan is to sing Alfredo's aria and the Parigi, o cara duet from the final act of La Traviata. Hopefully, I can convince someone into video taping this performance so I can post it to youtube, and thusly on here as a mark of my progress.
On a note of wanderlust, I purchased Wheelock's Latin over the weekend and am going to read through it on the weekends when I take time off of French/German (after the new year). I don't necessarily know what I'm hoping to gain from learning Latin, other than that I will inevitably have to sing in Latin so understanding the structure and language will be helpful in that regard. Plus being Catholic, Latin kind of comes with the territory.
Vocally things are going very well. I am feeling more and more comfortable every day. I am going to be actually singing my first concert as a tenor in November at my church as part of an "Opera Hits" concert. I will likely only be singing one aria and a duet, but this will mark my first public performance as a tenor! As of right now my plan is to sing Alfredo's aria and the Parigi, o cara duet from the final act of La Traviata. Hopefully, I can convince someone into video taping this performance so I can post it to youtube, and thusly on here as a mark of my progress.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Frustrations, Progress and a Diatribe
In the past two and a half weeks I have had quite a few different emotions running through my system in regards to language, singing and life in general. Starting with languages, I had a week of solid conversational French practice while I was in Kentucky on a mission trip with my friend Ernest. For those who don't know, Ernest is from Cameroon and fluent in about eight languages ranging from Italian to Bengali. After that week I jumped right back into my studying and am progressing at a very pleasing rate in French. I anticipate that I should be able to call myself fluent in French by the new year. That may seem far off to some of you and not long enough at all to others, but the truth is that languages can be learned quickly if the motivation is there.
The frustrations of my past two and a half weeks came in singing. During my week in Kentucky I was unable to practice at all outside of singing for daily mass. When I got back in the practice room the next week I felt like my voice was not doing anything correctly. Then, luckily, I began to turn things around late this past week. I also had a realization that I have been breathing far too shallow for far too long. Now that I am taking completely full breaths I have found that singing is feeling much better again. My current frustration now is finding the funds to get down to NYC for a lesson with JRL. I posted an ad on my facebook asking for applications for a patron, but no one seems interested which is sad for me.
Now onto my diatribe which will take this blog of course momentarily. This past evening I attended a "Teen Life Mass" at a nearby Catholic Church. I had recently heard stories about these masses from traditionalist (like myself) speaking of various horrors inherent in this style of mass. To my mind, these were all verified during the course of the mass. The purpose of a Teen Life Mass is to reach the teens through more "accessible" music and encourage their participation. However, to me, I was attending a protestant mega-church worship service rather than a mass. The major problem I have with the music is not necessarily the music itself; contemporary christian music has its place, but not in the mass. There was a huge disconnect between the upbeat, bubble-gum music and the solemnity of the rest of the rites of the mass. Not only that, but the music had nil to do with the actual readings, which it is supposed to according to the general rules for the mass. Also, the whole point of this music is to engage the teens and youth of the parish more, however I saw a very small percentage of these people actually participating in the singing! There were other problems within the course of the mass liturgically speaking. During the mass I vowed to never be at another Teen Life Mass in my life. What this type of mass does is set up the youth of the parish to leave the Church! I pray that the new missal and future reforms will save our youth from the horrors of the Teen Life Mass and bring back a sense of reverence to the Mass.
The frustrations of my past two and a half weeks came in singing. During my week in Kentucky I was unable to practice at all outside of singing for daily mass. When I got back in the practice room the next week I felt like my voice was not doing anything correctly. Then, luckily, I began to turn things around late this past week. I also had a realization that I have been breathing far too shallow for far too long. Now that I am taking completely full breaths I have found that singing is feeling much better again. My current frustration now is finding the funds to get down to NYC for a lesson with JRL. I posted an ad on my facebook asking for applications for a patron, but no one seems interested which is sad for me.
Now onto my diatribe which will take this blog of course momentarily. This past evening I attended a "Teen Life Mass" at a nearby Catholic Church. I had recently heard stories about these masses from traditionalist (like myself) speaking of various horrors inherent in this style of mass. To my mind, these were all verified during the course of the mass. The purpose of a Teen Life Mass is to reach the teens through more "accessible" music and encourage their participation. However, to me, I was attending a protestant mega-church worship service rather than a mass. The major problem I have with the music is not necessarily the music itself; contemporary christian music has its place, but not in the mass. There was a huge disconnect between the upbeat, bubble-gum music and the solemnity of the rest of the rites of the mass. Not only that, but the music had nil to do with the actual readings, which it is supposed to according to the general rules for the mass. Also, the whole point of this music is to engage the teens and youth of the parish more, however I saw a very small percentage of these people actually participating in the singing! There were other problems within the course of the mass liturgically speaking. During the mass I vowed to never be at another Teen Life Mass in my life. What this type of mass does is set up the youth of the parish to leave the Church! I pray that the new missal and future reforms will save our youth from the horrors of the Teen Life Mass and bring back a sense of reverence to the Mass.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)